If you ever find yourself asking the question ‘what if my ex was the one?’, then don’t miss out on this post.
I’m here to remind you that you are not alone in this. This is a real life story / situation that could be very similar to yours.
Maybe it’s you, or maybe it’s one of your friends or family members going through this, and reading this could help you see both sides of the story. As well as offer third perspective advice.
P.s. I do just want to point out, I am no professional. All of my advice comes from either experiencing things myself, or knowing people who have experienced similar, and what has helped them.
The purpose of this blog is simply to remind you that you are not alone. There may be no solutions, but knowing other people are in the same boat can feel comforting.
If this helps one person in a small way, then that is the aim.
Let’s get into it…
My boyfriend broke up with me at the start of 2023, but there was issues at the end of 2022.
I feel like I should be over the breakup by now, and I have been trying to move on with other boys.
Sometimes I think I’m over them when I have found a new boy to obsess over, but when they’re gone, or not really giving me any attention, it’s my ex who I think about.
The relationship ended quite badly and quite abruptly. If I am looking at things logically, nothing he has done shows that he cares about me one bit, yet I still find myself wanting to try again with him.
I know he doesn’t care about me, all of the signs show that, but I keep feeling like he is the one, and I don’t know what to do.
Anonymous
When one person is the decider in the relationship, it usually means that the other one didn’t see it coming, or didn’t want it to happen.
This leaves you feeling absolutely lost, because you had your plans with this person, and now it has been taken away from you.
What should I do?
The heart wants what it wants
Okay, you have to accept the fact that you’re not over your ex, and stop beating yourself up about it.
You can’t turn your feelings off like a switch, although that would be so handy!
Accept the fact that you are human, you had a relationship with someone you thought you’d be with forever, and now you don’t anymore.
You’re going to be upset, you’re going to be confused and lost, and that’s okay.
The first step of moving on is acceptance.
Everyone is different
It takes everyone a different amount of time to move on.
If your friend is saying it only took her a few months, but it’s taking you a LOT longer, then that is absolutely fine.
You are normal, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex is the one.
The amount of time it takes for you to get over a person, doesn’t equal how much you should be with each other.
So if it’s taking you longer, that doesn’t mean you cared about them more, it doesn’t mean your ex is more right for you. It’s just that everyone processes things differently.
Remember why it ended
You may have not been any part of the decision making when it came to ending your relationship.
And whether you got reasons or not as to why it ended, the other person still chose to end it.
Your ex may have had their reasons to end the relationship, that could’ve also had nothing to do with you.
If they never told you why it ended, then take that as a sign. If they can’t even respect you enough to tell you why they ended it, then they don’t deserve you.
However, if you know why it ended, keep those reasons in the back of your head, rather than thinking about all of the reasons it shouldn’t have ended. Those reasons could have been the reasons you weren’t compatible with each other.
Even if you didn’t agree with the reasons it ended, that just shows another incompatibility between the two of you, and why you shouldn’t be together.
Looking back at the good memories…
Now looking back at the good memories can be a good way to realise that you haven’t just wasted a chunk of your life.
They can remind you that you still loved and were loved, and that can happen again.
However, if you aren’t over the relationship, I would recommend not looking back at the good times with you and your ex.
It will just bring all of your feelings flooding back and could just keep you in a continuous loop of never being able to get over them.
How can I stop myself from doing this?
- Upload all of the photos onto a flash drive and get someone close to you to hide it. This means you literally cannot find the photos when you are having a weak moment.
- Delete them. You may not be ready to do this, because you may not be ready to accept the fact that the relationship is over, and that’s okay, it will take time. Deleting the photos can be a final step in moving on and never having to see them again.
- Lock certain apps on your phone. If you know that you always have a weak moment after 1am, lock your photos after 1am to stop you from looking. Of course you can probably disable the lock, but seeing the lock could make you think about why you set it on there in the first place.
Don’t depend on other people for your happiness
You may be always going to the club to find someone that can validate you and make you feel temporarily happy for the night, but in the long term that isn’t what is going to make you happy.
You need to forget about everyone else, including your ex (I know it’s hard).
Being able to make yourself happy is your N01 most important thing!
If you are constantly seeking validation and happiness in other people, you will never find it within yourself, and you will be in a constant cycle of finding temporary happiness in flings or kisses in the club!
How can I find happiness within myself?
Let’s start focusing on yourself and do some serious inner work.
- What makes you happy? This could be an activity, this could be a food, this could be a place. Whenever you are free in the week, make sure to take yourself or reward yourself with this.
- Check in with yourself everyday. Whether thats by journaling, speaking to yourself, taking 5 minutes to think. Ask yourself how you are doing everyday, and ask yourself what you could do for yourself to make you happy.
- The time you spent with them, spend it by doing what you love. You have all of this free time now for solo dates or dates with friends or family.
- Go easy on yourself. When trying to be happy, that doesn’t mean you’re never going to be sad. Let yourself be sad, rather than trying to fight it, let yourself have down days and days where you stay in bed and watch your favourite movies. Progress is not linear.
If you are struggling to get over your ex…
http://bigsisterera.com/5-tips-on-how-to-heal-from-a-break-up/
thank you for reading <3
I really hope this post was useful if anyone is going through anything similar.
Remember to put yourself first, always, and take it easy on yourself!
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