So, we’re both on this journey to live a softer life? Let’s learn how to live a softer life together with these tips and tricks, to tune out the intense hustle culture, and live a calmer, softer life.
1. Stop being so mean to yourself
You know that little voice in your head? I’m sure a lot of us can relate when I say that it can be extremely negative towards ourselves sometimes. Why is that?
You wouldn’t speak to a family member or your best friend like that, so why do you speak to yourself like that?
This tip is probably the hardest one to master, but will leave the most impact.
We need to change the negative, self destructive voice inside of our head, into a positive and loving voice.
How can I do this?
- Start by acting like everything you are saying you are saying to someone you care deeply about.
If they mess up, or get something wrong, you don’t say to them ‘you are so stupid why would you do that?’ You would say ‘don’t worry about it, everyone makes mistakes and you will learn and grow and be better next time’.
So the next time you mess up, tell yourself the same things.
- Never talk negatively about yourself.
When you look in the mirror, I don’t want to hear a negative word come out of your mouth, never mind in your head.
This is extremely hard, and something I am still definitely working on. But it is really important that you are speaking kindly to yourself, because your relationship with yourself is important.
Do you think you’d have a relationship with your best friend if you constantly said to her ‘you look weird’ ‘you don’t look good today’ ‘you are stupid’ ? No, because you want to protect the relationship you have with them, because you care about them.
So why are you not trying to protect the relationship you have with yourself, because you should care about yourself.
You are the only person who is going to be there for you for your ENTIRE life, so you need to protect your relationship with yourself.
- Make an effort to say kind things about yourself
Everyday, say kind things about yourself.
Add this into part of your daily routines. Either when you look in the mirror, say 3 kind things about yourself, or write 3 kind things about yourself in a journal.
Examples:
I am beautiful, I am smart, I am deserving of great things.
How can speaking kinder to yourself help you live a softer life
When you say all of these negative things to yourself, and you let your mind be consumed with negative thoughts and words, think about what that is doing to you.
Imagine it is people you are saying these negative words too, it would cause chaos and negativity in your life.
It would be like your life was a made in Chelsea episode, and that’s just chaos.
You don’t want to be in that environment. You want to be in a peaceful, calm, uplifting environment. You can do that for yourself.
2. Look at who you choose to be around
Just like thinking about the environment you create in your mind, you also have to think about the environment you create in your life.
Pay close attention to how you feel every time you hang out with someone.
If you feel drained and negative and uninspired, you need to limit your time with them as much as possible, or maybe talk to them about what can change.
If you feel happy, energised and inspired, you know that they are bringing the best side out of you.
The people that drain you, it doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Other people could leave hanging out with them feeling amazing. But not everyone is compatible.
Someone I follow on TikTok, username: @rachel_stahlke, has used a great analogy for this. She said that some people are drains, and some are fountains.
The drains suck everything out of you, the fountains give you back what you give in.
Make sure you surround yourself with as much fountains as you can!!
This helps you live a softer life because you will feel the physical and mental benefits of being in a calmer, uplifting and energised environment, rather than a toxic and draining environment that’s probably increasing your stress levels.
3. You don’t have to please everyone
Being a people pleaser is something that I am sure a lot of people struggle with.
It’s so hard to put yourself and your feelings first for some reason, but in doing so, we will create a better relationship with ourselves, because we respect ourselves more.
How to not be a people pleaser
You can say no to plans that you don’t want to go to.
Why are we constantly saying yes to things, time and time again, and every time we follow through with these plans we always regret it?
Saying no to plans is hard, but here’s ways you can do it. Have pre planned responses that you can send without thinking, so you don’t have to be worrying thinking about a response or excuse.
What can I say?
- If you don’t like the actual plans, but you like the person: ‘Hi! Thank you for inviting me! I’d love to spend time with you but *insert plan you don’t like* isn’t really my thing. Are you free any other time?’
- Maybe you’re just not feeling like doing anything: ‘Hi! Thank you for inviting me! I have plans tonight’ or ‘I need to rest from a busy week tonight’.
If you say these things to your friends, they will understand, and if they don’t, that’s not your problem to worry about.
Your main priority is pleasing yourself and making sure that you are at your happiest.
The minute you let go trying to please everyone else, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders.
Set boundaries
Whether it’s in your personal life, work, or other areas of your life, everyone has their limits of what they are comfortable with.
Setting boundaries, and respecting them, is respecting yourself, and making sure that you continue to live as of life, as you are not worrying about doing anything that pushes your boundaries.
4. Trust yourself and listen to your body
When you trust yourself enough to listen to your body and believe what it wants, then you will be much more at peace with yourself.
What I mean by that is, if you are constantly betraying your body by not listening to it, your body is never going to really be happy.
How do I listen to my body?
- Do you allow yourself to rest when you are feeling burnt out? Whether that’s a mental or physical rest.
- Do you listen to when you’re hungry and honour your food cravings?
- Do you trust yourself enough to feed your body enough?
- Do your listen to yourself when you are feeling uncomfortable?
A lot of the struggles that come with listening to your body are because of the feeling that you need to follow strict rules.
Whether that be dieting or a strict workout regime.
Your body doesn’t work like a robot. It changes, especially if you are a woman, and you have to listen to those changes for you to thrive.
Your body is very smart, and tells you how it’s feeling and what it needs, you just have to listen to it.
5. You don’t have to be the best, the fastest, the one whose doing the most
Let me just ask you this, who are you competing against? And why?
You will become a lot less stressed when you stop competing with everyone around you and start comparing yourself to only yourself.
When you look back on your life, you are going to think, why was I so competitive with gaining a certain title at work, or beating someone to prove I’m the best? Has that made me truly happy?
You can take a step back.
Allow yourself to be slower, look around and take things in, instead of constantly thinking about the future. Or constantly thinking about how you can get better in your career.
Of course it’s so good to strive to be better, and you want to be proud of yourself. But if that is costing you your life, and your happiness, then it just simply isn’t worth it.
Think about your day to day. As soon as you wake up, you have a coffee so that you can be go go go from the start. Why? Why don’t you allow yourself to be slower paced, enjoy waking up slowly in the morning.
Maybe that means waking up earlier to give yourself that time to adjust, rather than waking up late and having to rush around.
Your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day!
Not everything has to be so fast paced.
A fast paced environment might be good sometimes, but if it’s constant, it puts you in a position of stress and overdrive.
Thank you for reading <3
I hope this post was helpful if you are starting your journey of living a softer life. A softer life can mean different things to different people. But for the most part, lowering stress and anxiety, and living a calmer life (if that’s what you want) is all part of a softer life.
Maybe you have been a part of hustle culture for so long and are just burnt out, so I hope this post helped in giving you some tips you can incorporate into your life to make it that little bit softer!
I have another post on living a soft life here: http://bigsisterera.com/how-to-live-a-soft-life-on-a-budget/
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