Friendships are hard to navigate, because it’s not like a full relationship, but there are levels of trust and boundaries you need to mutually agree on to keep the friendship healthy. Keep reading to find out How to know which friends to keep in your life.
Who to cut off
With the new year coming up, this is the best time to reevaluate everyone in your life, and think about who you want to keep, and who definitely needs to go.
Sometimes it’s obvious who needs to be cut off from your life, but sometimes it’s harder to tell.
By ‘cutt off’ I don’t necessarily mean ghost them and never speak to them again (unless you want too), you could always distance yourself from this person / multiple people, until the contact gets gradually less and less.
So lets get into a list of people who may need to go:
1. Anyone who you feel uncomfortable to be yourself around
Your friends should always love you for who YOU are. If they love you for who you are pretending to be, then maybe you need to show them more and more parts of the real you, and if they don’t love that, they don’t deserve your time.
If you are feeling uncomfortable around someone, it’s probably your bodies way of showing you that you aren’t meant to be friends.
2. Those who you feel in competition with
You should never feel like you’re in a competition with your friends (apart from when you are joking of course).
If you are successful in an area of your life, or you achieve something amazing, make sure you watch your friends reaction.
You will be able to feel whether they are being genuine or not.
Your friends should ALWAYS be happy for your accomplishments. Maybe even helping you get there and being by your side every step of the way.
3. Those who can sit and watch you struggle
Whether that’s struggle with a piece of homework, or struggling with something more serious… seeing your friend struggle and not doing anything about it is something that is not okay.
You definitely don’t want this person in your life if this is the case.
When you are friends with someone, you want to help them every oppourtunity you can, as well as make sure they are okay and have less suffering.
4. Anyone who comes back after realising how good you are
This is not to say that you should always say no to second chances.
But if there is multiple occasions that this person could have made an effort and they chose not too, why are they making an effort now? Why is that okay?
Of course friendships are a two way street, but if your conscience is clear, and you feel like you have done right, then you have nothing to worry about.
You can have fondness towards someone, but also not want them back in your life.
5. Those who talk negatively about EVERYONE
If there are people in your life who gossip about the people you thought they were close friends with, then chances are, they are gossiping about you too.
Obviously, everyone loves a bit of drama, and when we find out juicy details, we talk. BUT, there’s a difference between gossiping and talking negatively about someone.
If someone is talking negatively about someone, maybe spreading something someone told them in confidence, especially someone they are close with, makes you question their intentions and their motives.
You don’t want to be around someone who is comfortable with talking negatively about someone, because they can’t be trusted.
Who to keep
1. Who you feel no pressure from
It’s amazing when you don’t feel any pressure to see someone consistently.
Our lives are busy and hectic as it is, but if you are feeling pressured to always see a friend, that can get exhausting.
Friends who are good no matter how many times you see them are amazing.
Of course you can catch up everyday over text messages or calling, and then see each other when you can!
2. Friends who listen when you talk about a problem
If you have things going on in your life, and you are comfortable enough to tell this person what’s going on, and trust that they will listen and have your best intentions at heart, they’re a keeper.
A lot of the time we have friends that are good for going out with, but you can’t always count on them to listen and actually care about your problems.
Having someone that you can always open up too, no matter the problem and no matter the time, are definitely people worth keeping.
3. Good communicators
There is nothing worse than having a friend that gives you the cold shoulder and you have no idea why.
Friends that can communicate exactly how they are feeling are worth keeping.
I know you’re not in a relationship with your friend, but friends have boundaries too. Something you do or say could upset them, and if they can communicate that, they are worth it, because they value you enough to work through it.
4. You feel happy and uplifted after you see them
You HAVE to focus on how you feel after spending time with people.
Some people drain energy, and some people uplift you.
If you have just spent time with someone and you ask them immediately when can we next hang out, or we should totally do this again some time. They are 100% worth it.
Whereas, if you spend time with someone and you just want to be home, after you depart you’re happy to have left and are thinking you want to put off seeing them, they need to go (or just limit the amount of time you spend with them).
Your body is really clever, and if you feel tired, drained, down, deprecated, chances are it’s your bodies way of telling you, you should limit your time with this person.
5. They tell you the truth
Whether it’s telling you that you have food in your teeth, or that you’ve made a serious mistake, a good friend will always tell you the truth.
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. A good friend should help guide you when they can see more clearly and vice versa.
A good friend would not let you follow through with something you are doing, if they knew it was wrong or going to be something you regretted in the future.
Obviously it’s your choice whether to listen to that friend or not, but you know they will always have your best interest at heart.
Thank you for reading <3
I hope that this post was useful in helping you decide who your real friends are and whose not worth keeping in your life.
Navigating friendships can be so hard, but once you know you’re worth, and know what qualities you like having in a friendship, you will be able to see the good ones (and the bad ones).
Anyone going through changes in friendship groups, losing friends, gaining bad friends, just know I am always here to talk, whether that’s in the comment section, on my email, or on my social media’s.
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