Does anyone else struggle with being a people pleaser and a ‘yes’ man? Me too. Let’s work on that together! Here’s everything I’m doing and tips on How to not be a people pleaser.
1. Learn about yourself
The first step in not being a people pleaser, is learning what you actually like and don’t like. What you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with.
How can I learn about myself?
- Keep a track of certain things that make you feel uncomfortable. Whether that’s a list on your phone, in a journal, etc. if you go through something in the day (that you could have prevented by saying no) then track it.
- Really look at how these things make you feel. If you write down / type / speak about how these tasks above made you feel uncomfortable and why, then you will be more likely to spot these situations in the future, and be able to prevent them.
2. Plan your days
How on earth is this going to help me not be a people pleaser?
Well, planning your days ahead of time, means that you don’t have any room to start saying yes to things that you either don’t want to do or don’t have time to do.
Planning your day means that you are putting yourself first, and choosing what you do in your time for yourself, rather than letting someone decide that for you.
What is the best way to plan my day?
- 3 top priority tasks. Whether it’s in your work day or personal life you want to improve being a people pleaser, making sure your 3 main tasks are prioritised will help you see what else you have time for. You know that no matter what happens in the day, these 3 things will get done, and it will make you feel accomplished and proud that you have done this for yourself.
- Block in breaks. Block in time for your lunch, or breaks throughout the day. This is your time to recharge throughout the day, and your time to take for YOURSELF. You need breaks to recharge and perform better! Don’t sacrifice them!
- Block in things you love. Whether it’s after work, before work, etc, make time for things you love to do. This could be reading, this could be slowly doing your skincare, this could be getting a workout in. Planning this into your day means that you have something to look forward to for yourself.
3. Put yourself first
You are the most important person.
Your mental health, your physical health, your happiness. That is all number 1 priority (or it should be).
It’s sounds very cliche to say, and you have probably heard this so many times before. But, you only have one life, why are you spending it making someone else more happy than yourself?
Most of the time, the people we are being a people pleaser for, are people who we don’t generally know very well, or care about very much.
Our bosses, our acquaintances, new people we meet that we don’t want to let down.
Or maybe it is the people you know very well and care for, and in that case, they should care about you enough to know that you are going to start putting yourself first.
How do I put myself first?
Well, you can only fill everyone else’s cup up if we fill our own.
But we can choose whose cups we’re filling up (we will come back to this later).
- Prioritise your mental health. Make sure you are making time to check in with yourself, and make sure that everything you are doing is making you happy.
- Prioritise your physical health. Exercise releases endorphins, which is your happy hormone. So taking care of your physical health is basically a two in one for also taking care of your mental health.
- Make sure your cup is getting filled by resting. You need to make sure that you have rest days. Physically and mentally. Resting your body is just as important as resting your mind. Maybe have a social media free day, or do something that takes your mind off everything.
- Do things you enjoy everyday. If you constantly feel like you aren’t enjoying your life then you will never be happy, you will always be thinking when can I do something I actually enjoy. This doesn’t have to be big things, it can be doing your skincare, going to dance classes, reading with a cup of tea before bed, going to your favourite place, etc.
4. Learn what your goals are
Everyone has different goals, and the things you decide to do will vary based on those goals.
For example, if you are on a fitness journey, and want to lose weight, you may may think twice about joining the office and having cake everyday. But, maybe you alter the things around you so that you can have a slice of cake everyday.
Maybe you are trying to save money, so you don’t want to grab drinks after work every week, you would rather do something that’s free.
Or you could be trying to spend more time with your family, and so you don’t want to be saying yes to those overtime shifts at work, or doing an extra long gym class after work. So you shorten the workout to 30 minutes, or you go on a walk with your family instead of a workout.
Depending on your priorities and goals, depends on the things you will say no to on your people pleaser journey.
5. Learn how to respect yourself
If you think about it, saying yes to everything and everyone even when you don’t want to, is only disrespecting yourself.
Imagine that you are a secretary for someone, and you are in charge of their schedule and everything they do.
Now imagine you are saying yes to everything, so their schedule is overflowing. And imagine you are also saying yes to things you know this person doesn’t like to do.
They would probably fire you, as well as think why are they saying yes to everything and making me so over worked.
You would not do that to another person, so stop doing it to yourself.
So, you are you own secretary, make sure you are saying yes to things that align with your goals and who you are as a person.
Remember that you are the most important
We should not be making sacrifices by pleasing someone else, causing us to displease ourselves.
It may be hard to displease someone else when we please ourself, but your life is your own, not anyone else’s.
You should be making yourself happy over everyone else.
Why? Because once you yourself are happy, then you are a better person to everyone around you.
Thank you for reading <3
I hope this post helped / helps you on your journey of steering away from being a people pleaser. Many many people struggle with this, and there is a difference between being nice to people, and being a people pleaser.
Never let your happiness suffer because you don’t want to make someone else slightly displeased. Especially when it comes to people like your boss, or acquaintances.
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